Happenings in 1st weekend Aug 2017

It has been quite an adventure , its been 11 years since I had joined the company and without realising I had changed quite a number of superiors and yet Im still here. But no more, with the recent restructuring exercise of the company into Pure play. It meant that we had to fend for ourselves with no permanent ties with the subsidiaries. So it began with my annual review . For the past 11 years, I had never expected much as I had poured in my focus and energy to do my best and to learn as much as possible, that I had a rating of 3+/5. This time I was given the bad news that I was recalibrated to 2. I was devastated , what had I done to deserve this? I had talked to EC and then MN but the results were the same. There was no turning back. The reason given was I wasn't leading enough compared to the other AVPII and that I got complained by the others esp the ppl from SI. That was the death nail for me. So I was depressed for a few days while tormented with my decision whether to stay or leave. With the upcoming tough trip back to WNB, I decided enough is enough. If they thought that I wasn't good enough , so be it. A lot of people thought I was being rash but after spending so much of my time here but unappreciated then its time for me to say goodbye. Another was having felt passed over as I saw BH was promoted soon after to AVPI, EH is also eyeing on my position. Sigh! how could these incompetent fools ever justify for their lack of technical and functional competency. Its becoz the bosses are looking for pure leadership capabilities, the other things you have are just frills. So immediately after I had tendered I sent out applications letters after letters to every lead I could find including announcing it to my colleagues and ex-c to try to find out if they have some contacts as well. Well currently its only been a week but I had met up with our current partners from Deloitte- PR. He was quite supportive and he had brought along another colleague CN who knows my current bosses. Immediately I felt sick as I felt this must be another one of those cronies who were biased. I got interviewed for a few hours at KLH with a few drinks as well. I dont really know what to make out of it as they made an ultimatum for me to join them or not when Im ready. In the meantime their HR team was quite fast to fix me up for a technical competency interview by a another manager on top of the background interview which they did earlier. Well the results wasnt nice as I got stood up last minute so we just have to see. Later got introduced by TY to meet up at his current employers office at MD. The interview was quickly done by the Finance lead, some guy with effeminate behavior. It doesn't bother me much but I felt quite demotivated as I needed to justify my predicament and my asking price. Well it ended and I still haven't heard from them yet after a week. Had quite a lengthy talk to TY later downstairs but didn't change much on my situation. Was mentioned that they don't pay over 30% above the last salary. Oh shit and I was asking for 50% jump. So I was back at work with nothing much to do anyway I tried to send as many applications as I can. Still the wait is quite long. Over the week I had a big quarrel with Deb that I didn't tell her on the exact date that I tendered my notice. Knowing how sensitive she is I apologised and we made up after that. Over the weekend I try to be the best father as I could. Sent Deb to work then came back to bring the 2 for breakfast and tuition. Afterwards dropped BP to CLC, went JJ for groceries and I was becoming aware of not overspending these days as the money would be hard to come by if my next job doesn't come. All these worries me and its tugging feeling at my heart worrying. Not much I could do anyway but just kept moving. Took the 2 back from tuition , then tapao lunch for them as well. Picked up BP from CLC later and waited for Deb to finish work. Had some discussion with T abt RP education at CLC which is far from ideal so she encouraged me to find another place for her. But where?Sigh another headache. Sigh ! think about it later when the time came picked the 2 and went to pick up Deb to go PBLKA. It was all fun and games ride at the park. Luckily its free and the 2 had so much fun. Then had dinner at BGS and saw they were having some Jap products fair. Overall was quite tired by the time we finished eating and so planned to go home but the 2 wanted to play again, sigh! So got home a little later but as long as they were happy.

The next day was an adventure for me as well. BP wanted to meet his classmates house at Cheras . So had to prod him for the exact address and contact for the place he was supposed to be. Had him prepared as much as I could and I sent him off on LRT switched to MRT. It was quite a nice ride and I had drilled with him how to get to his friends house. At least the father was able to pick him up to their house and then I came back afterwards. Brought out the kids later to SC to have some NL for breakfast and also to enjoy the air cond. Tried to spend some time before sending RP with Deb for their ballet lessons at DP. Later dropped off T and LP at HC before returning home to change cars and rest awhile. Then kept calling to check up on him. It seems the friends dad couldn't send him back to MRT. I tried convincing BP to get other parents to drop him off but he was very embarrassed to ask. So he would rather pay and stand in the hot outside the guard house to get Grab to the MRT. Anyway as long as he is safe. Picked him up and then went to pick up Deb and RP back to no.2. Had a quick nap and then planned for dinner at MM, picked up the rest and off we went. The whole place was crowded and in between took BP for a haircut which was supposed to be buy 1 free 1, Was a bit reluctant to cut again , nvm end of the month will try again. Then had dinner at TL Thai food, was quite nice later on we suffered as was feeling bloated and kept farting whole night. By the time we got back I was watching TV but still couldn't sleep. So continued watching the videos that was watching halfway and also GOT. It was a great episode in the end went back to sleep at 245am now feeling like a zombie. The next morning I was feeling groggy but still had to make breakfast for BP, don't know why nowadays he likes to sleep naked like LP. Couldn't get him up earlier but after finished cooking woke him later so that he could prepare for school. Later on dropped him off made sure he had some cash allowance then off to send LP to school. LP was his slow usual pace asking a lot of questions and talking abt the terms and games he saw the other day. Sigh waited for him to finish his hot dog bun and kept reminding abt school starting soon. He is still his usual self taking his own sweet time to finish his meal and drink. By the time I sent him to school , I went off to work. During the drive I kept thinking of that special letter from a father to their children. Obama

Fatherhood

Was watching this movie last night Packages from Daddy (心灵时钟). And it made me think of my own experience of fatherhood. Had been thinking of my sorry self for the past few days due to my resignation. But I was also counting my blessings most of all for my health and family. I was thinking to myself how could children so innocent and young can bring so much joy to me. I feel most compelled to care for them and love them. Why? What is this love I have for them, is both so fearful and joyful at the same. Joy for me when I see their faces happy when I see them, running towards and shouting at me:- Daddy! Daddy!. Fear as well, for them when they are hurt or sick.

What blessing it is when my RP holds out her hands and asks me to hold and carry her. When she hugs close to me and just lie down quietly on my shoulder. When she hugs and kisses me and says I love you Daddy! Her naughty and mischief replies that goes beyond her age.

What a blessing it is when LP holds out his hand while I walk him to school, his small hands in mine. His chatty self asking about the things he sees around him. The shy doe eyed look on him when I tease him, the times that he always insists that he waits for me to bring him anywhere. The way he insists to sit on my lap during rests and meals. The way he lied on top of me as I hug and hold him watching TV.

And also my eldest BP is always such a wonder, what a good boy he has been all these years, even though his passive rebellion nowadays as a teenager, who isn't nowadays. But he always heed my advise and warnings , always willing to accept my word without much resistance. How sometimes I wish he would challenge me as well. As I have known to tell him so often. I'm not perfect as everyone is also too, but that doesn't give me an excuse for me not to do the best that I can, to provide and protect for him. I know I maybe hard on him sometimes but that's becoz he's my eldest and I hold so much of hope for him to do even better than me. Perhaps I expect too much from him but that's becoz I love him so much as well. The love I show for him as I prepare breakfast for him every morning whether he wants it or not. The care I have for him as I sent him to school every morning. He's growing up fast and big. He's almost as tall as me , will be even taller in a year or 2. The way that he asks questions about the world around us religion, society, morals, sex etc. It shows he's maturing and forming an opinion of the world as I do the best that I can without appearing too biased.
As I lie awake and wonder, did I do enough , have I done my best so that they can be independent, intelligent, caring and productive person in future? It seems so many things have zipped passed me and I am now a father of 3. Who would thought that I was this bitter and miserable kid that I thought didn't deserve to lead a happy life. Its up to me, it up to what I decide to do. Its that simple, if I wanted to, that's what I need to do to achieve my dreams of a better life and better person.

Writings of others also inspired me as well. SG By Calvin Soh “All fathers were sons before but not all sons become fathers. It’s also true all fathers start off by fathering like their fathers. But times are different. Exponentially so… Here's to my future father.

I hope you make your own mistakes and not my old ones. Never be afraid of making them, because that’s how you learn. I hope that after each epic failure you respond with an epic comeback. It's all about the getting up and not the falling down. To think you can go through life without failure is unrealistic.

I hope you never stop asking “why” ― never stop questioning. That’s the foundation of critical thinking. You don’t solve new problems by asking the same questions.

I hope you never stop imagining and dreaming. That’s where great ideas come from. Imagination Is the ONLY superpower we humans have over machines.

I hope you see both sides of everything as every opinion has a backstory. Then develop your own point of view. Without empathy and compassion, we might as well be robots.

I hope you never lose your inner child. That innocence that lets you believe in the possibility of everything and the impossibility of nothing. Because the world of ‘yes’, of optimism, is what moves us forwards.

I hope when given a choice between love and hate, always choose love. It is the default setting for humanity and frankly, the world’s major religion, too. If you don’t choose love, what is the alternative?

I hope you will strive to leave the world a better place. Find people who share that purpose, because us adults have done such a great job of leaving the world a worse place.

I hope you understand the power of “try”. Because if you don’t try, the fear will grow. But when you try, the fear will go. Most importantly, if you don’t try, none of the above matters.

I hope you remember this as you become a father of the future (if you choose to). Then make your own list up. Because that’s how we raise red dots bigger than we are.

Following is a letter to his son from a renowned Hong Kong TV broadcaster cum Child Psychologist.
The words are actually applicable to all of us, young or old, children or parents
This applies to daughters too. All parents can use this in their teachings to their children.
Dear son ,
I am writing this to you because of 3 reasons
1. Life, fortune and mishaps are unpredictable, nobody knows how long he lives. Some words are better said early.
2. I am your father, and if I don't tell you these, no one else will.
3. What is written is my own personal bitter experiences that perhaps could save you a lot of unnecessary heartaches. Remember the following as you go through life

1. Do not bear grudge towards those who are not good to you. No one has the responsibility of treating you well, except your mother and I. To those who are good to you, you have to treasure it and be thankful, and you have to be cautious, because, everyone has a motive for every move. When a person is good to you, it does not mean he really likes you. You have to be careful, don't hastily regard him as a real friend.
2. No one is indispensable, nothing is in the world that you must possess. Once you understand this idea, it would be easier for you to go through life when people around you don't want you anymore, or when you lose what/who you love most.
3.Life is short.When you waste your life today, tomorrow you would find that life is leaving you. The earlier you treasure your life, the better you enjoy life.

4.Love is but a transient feeling, and this feeling would fade with time and with one's mood. If your so called loved one leaves you, be patient, time will wash away your aches and sadness. Don't over exaggerate the beauty and sweetness of love, and don't over exaggerate the sadness of falling out of love.
5.A lot of successful people did not receive a good education, that does not mean that you can be successful by not studying hard! Whatever knowledge you gain is your weapon in life. One can go from rags to riches, but one has to start from some rags!
6.I do not expect you to financially support me when I am old, neither would I financially support your whole life. My responsibility as a supporter ends when you are grown up. After that, you decide whether you want to travel in a public transport or in your limousine, whether rich or poor.
7.You honour your words, but don't expect others to be so. You can be good to people, but don't expect people to be good to you. If you don't understand this, you would end up with unnecessary troubles.
8. I have bought lotteries for umpteen years, but I could never strike any prize.That shows if you want to be rich, you have to work hard! There is no free lunch!
9. No matter how much time I have with you, let's treasure the time we have together. We do not know if we would meet again in our next life.

Your Dad