Fatherhood

Was watching this movie last night Packages from Daddy (心灵时钟). And it made me think of my own experience of fatherhood. Had been thinking of my sorry self for the past few days due to my resignation. But I was also counting my blessings most of all for my health and family. I was thinking to myself how could children so innocent and young can bring so much joy to me. I feel most compelled to care for them and love them. Why? What is this love I have for them, is both so fearful and joyful at the same. Joy for me when I see their faces happy when I see them, running towards and shouting at me:- Daddy! Daddy!. Fear as well, for them when they are hurt or sick.

What blessing it is when my RP holds out her hands and asks me to hold and carry her. When she hugs close to me and just lie down quietly on my shoulder. When she hugs and kisses me and says I love you Daddy! Her naughty and mischief replies that goes beyond her age.

What a blessing it is when LP holds out his hand while I walk him to school, his small hands in mine. His chatty self asking about the things he sees around him. The shy doe eyed look on him when I tease him, the times that he always insists that he waits for me to bring him anywhere. The way he insists to sit on my lap during rests and meals. The way he lied on top of me as I hug and hold him watching TV.

And also my eldest BP is always such a wonder, what a good boy he has been all these years, even though his passive rebellion nowadays as a teenager, who isn't nowadays. But he always heed my advise and warnings , always willing to accept my word without much resistance. How sometimes I wish he would challenge me as well. As I have known to tell him so often. I'm not perfect as everyone is also too, but that doesn't give me an excuse for me not to do the best that I can, to provide and protect for him. I know I maybe hard on him sometimes but that's becoz he's my eldest and I hold so much of hope for him to do even better than me. Perhaps I expect too much from him but that's becoz I love him so much as well. The love I show for him as I prepare breakfast for him every morning whether he wants it or not. The care I have for him as I sent him to school every morning. He's growing up fast and big. He's almost as tall as me , will be even taller in a year or 2. The way that he asks questions about the world around us religion, society, morals, sex etc. It shows he's maturing and forming an opinion of the world as I do the best that I can without appearing too biased.
As I lie awake and wonder, did I do enough , have I done my best so that they can be independent, intelligent, caring and productive person in future? It seems so many things have zipped passed me and I am now a father of 3. Who would thought that I was this bitter and miserable kid that I thought didn't deserve to lead a happy life. Its up to me, it up to what I decide to do. Its that simple, if I wanted to, that's what I need to do to achieve my dreams of a better life and better person.

Writings of others also inspired me as well. SG By Calvin Soh “All fathers were sons before but not all sons become fathers. It’s also true all fathers start off by fathering like their fathers. But times are different. Exponentially so… Here's to my future father.

I hope you make your own mistakes and not my old ones. Never be afraid of making them, because that’s how you learn. I hope that after each epic failure you respond with an epic comeback. It's all about the getting up and not the falling down. To think you can go through life without failure is unrealistic.

I hope you never stop asking “why” ― never stop questioning. That’s the foundation of critical thinking. You don’t solve new problems by asking the same questions.

I hope you never stop imagining and dreaming. That’s where great ideas come from. Imagination Is the ONLY superpower we humans have over machines.

I hope you see both sides of everything as every opinion has a backstory. Then develop your own point of view. Without empathy and compassion, we might as well be robots.

I hope you never lose your inner child. That innocence that lets you believe in the possibility of everything and the impossibility of nothing. Because the world of ‘yes’, of optimism, is what moves us forwards.

I hope when given a choice between love and hate, always choose love. It is the default setting for humanity and frankly, the world’s major religion, too. If you don’t choose love, what is the alternative?

I hope you will strive to leave the world a better place. Find people who share that purpose, because us adults have done such a great job of leaving the world a worse place.

I hope you understand the power of “try”. Because if you don’t try, the fear will grow. But when you try, the fear will go. Most importantly, if you don’t try, none of the above matters.

I hope you remember this as you become a father of the future (if you choose to). Then make your own list up. Because that’s how we raise red dots bigger than we are.

Following is a letter to his son from a renowned Hong Kong TV broadcaster cum Child Psychologist.
The words are actually applicable to all of us, young or old, children or parents
This applies to daughters too. All parents can use this in their teachings to their children.
Dear son ,
I am writing this to you because of 3 reasons
1. Life, fortune and mishaps are unpredictable, nobody knows how long he lives. Some words are better said early.
2. I am your father, and if I don't tell you these, no one else will.
3. What is written is my own personal bitter experiences that perhaps could save you a lot of unnecessary heartaches. Remember the following as you go through life

1. Do not bear grudge towards those who are not good to you. No one has the responsibility of treating you well, except your mother and I. To those who are good to you, you have to treasure it and be thankful, and you have to be cautious, because, everyone has a motive for every move. When a person is good to you, it does not mean he really likes you. You have to be careful, don't hastily regard him as a real friend.
2. No one is indispensable, nothing is in the world that you must possess. Once you understand this idea, it would be easier for you to go through life when people around you don't want you anymore, or when you lose what/who you love most.
3.Life is short.When you waste your life today, tomorrow you would find that life is leaving you. The earlier you treasure your life, the better you enjoy life.

4.Love is but a transient feeling, and this feeling would fade with time and with one's mood. If your so called loved one leaves you, be patient, time will wash away your aches and sadness. Don't over exaggerate the beauty and sweetness of love, and don't over exaggerate the sadness of falling out of love.
5.A lot of successful people did not receive a good education, that does not mean that you can be successful by not studying hard! Whatever knowledge you gain is your weapon in life. One can go from rags to riches, but one has to start from some rags!
6.I do not expect you to financially support me when I am old, neither would I financially support your whole life. My responsibility as a supporter ends when you are grown up. After that, you decide whether you want to travel in a public transport or in your limousine, whether rich or poor.
7.You honour your words, but don't expect others to be so. You can be good to people, but don't expect people to be good to you. If you don't understand this, you would end up with unnecessary troubles.
8. I have bought lotteries for umpteen years, but I could never strike any prize.That shows if you want to be rich, you have to work hard! There is no free lunch!
9. No matter how much time I have with you, let's treasure the time we have together. We do not know if we would meet again in our next life.

Your Dad